Back to work without the mummy guilt

Returning to the workforce after a “family break” can be extremely exciting. But it can also be fraught with fear, anticipation and particularly guilt. Nowadays it is quite rare that a woman will be a full-time stay-at-home mum. Although this may be the ideal scenario for many, particularly first-time mothers, other factors may come into play. Finances are certainly a big one. But also, many women may have a flourishing career or business pre-children, and this forms a big part of their lives and their own identity and they are sometimes reluctant to completely give this up. But re-entering the workforce or reigniting a dormant business is a big step when there is the added factor of children to consider.

So how can women make this work without the guilt and enable a smooth transition from full-time mum into working mum or even mumpreneur?

Some of the problems and fears mums have when planning the return to the workforce include:

1. Not spending enough time with the kids.

To go from spending virtually every waking moment with your child to then leaving them for hours at time in the care of someone else who is not you, can make you feel quite guilty. You are no longer the primary carer for certain times of the day. But if you can turn your thinking around, this can really be quite a positive time. Crèche or day care can be a source of great fun and stimulation to an active child. They will often enjoy the interaction with other children, the new activities and toys they have to play with, and it enables them to become quite socially adept. And the stringent rules and regulations within the child-care industry that must be adhered to should be very reassuring for a first-time user. Grandparents are also a great source of child-care if the situation suits. And many grandparents will relish the opportunity to spend quality time with their grandchildren and are able to build a very special bond with them.

2. Overwhelm

Many mums feel that they already have too much to do, simply running their household and day-to-day life, and can’t fathom how they could possibly add a formal “job” into the mix. This is where organisation, preparation, schedules and systems really come into play. Implementing things like menu-planning, scheduling blocks of time to do tasks like admin and cleaning, rather than trying to slot it in at random times will make your life much more efficient and reduce that feeling of being out of control.

3. Losing touch with the kids

Spending hours away from them may make you feel disconnected with your family. To combat this you can set aside time after work or on weekends or non-working days where you have “special” things you do together. Like going out to the park or for ice-cream. Also, the evenings with the bath time routine, and bedtime stories are a great time to re-connect with your kids after a busy day at work. They don’t need to spend every waking moment with you. Believe me, both of you will benefit from a break from each other! And you will appreciate them so much more, when you spend quality time together rather than large chunks of unfocused time.

4. You won’t be able to cope.

This is where you need to get your family on board. Sit down your partner and children, depending on their age. Tell them about what you are planning and the reasons behind your re-entry to the workforce. Explain how it will benefit you all, and tell them what you need help with. Washing, tidying up toys, cooking, and importantly cooperation and helping out.

5. Ask for and accept all offers of help

Don’t try and be a superwoman. There are no awards for that, only stress and friction. Instead, ask for help with picking up kids from after-school activities. Pal up with some of the other mums and car-pool. Take turns. Swap baby-sitting. If necessary hire a cleaner if it is all getting too much. And lower your standards if this is not yet a viable option. Do you really need to clean the oven or shower every week? Who will really notice?

So, by just tweaking things a bit, asking for help, being productive in bursts, and being truly present when you are with your family, you can feel confident about re-entering the workforce as a mum, and can treat it as a new adventure that will help to expand your horizons without totally overwhelming you. No mummy guilt required!

Author bio:

Pauline Delany is passionate about helping stressed, disorganised, time-poor mothers create a “life balance.” She is a mother of 4 children ranging from 10 to 20 years old. She helps busy mums become organised, lose the mummy guilt and move from chaos to control in their lives. http://www.busymumschaostocontrol.com