Dumb Things People Do After a Breakup

It’s not uncommon to call your ex in the middle of the night after a long night of drinking, but there are worse things you can do. These decisions are often made on a whim as a response to sudden fluctuating emotions. The first few months after a separation can urge people to make some dumb decisions, most of which involve communicating with their exes in the unhealthiest ways.

If you have recently gone through a breakup, here’s what you need to avoid doing.

Apologies 

Breakups can tempt people to send apologies to their exes, even if they were not in the wrong. Emotional withdrawal from a relationship can make you feel desperate to reach out to your former partner, even if you were cheated on or disrespected. When you long for the way your ex once made you feel, you get the urge to try again or see how they’re doing without you. If you feel like you were the party in the wrong or that you hurt your ex in any way, being open about your realization can be healthy and can help your ex to move on. However, you should never apologize to someone who has turned the tables and thrown the blame on you. You also shouldn’t wait for your ex to reach out and apologize to you. Avoid having any expectations about how the two of you choose to part ways. 

Sex 

When it’s been long enough after a breakup, you may feel like you have moved on, and that anything casual between you and your ex wouldn’t have any strings attached. Being intimate with an ex can throw away your hard work towards emotional healing. Sex can rekindle a flame in only one partner, which would lead to more trauma. Of course, this doesn’t apply to all relationships, especially if you have parted ways on good terms. If you have the option to have sex with your ex, and you’re unsure whether it’s a good idea, take a moment to think about the consequences and if you’re okay with them. If you want your ex back, sex is not always a bad idea, unless the two of you want something different. If you’re both seeking casual sex, you may still want to avoid it, seeing as one of you could still have some dormant feelings for the other party. 

Rebound 

Heartbreak can be unbearable and painfully distracting, which naturally compels you to look for alternative distractions. While many people seek casual sex, others may seek a relationship to fill the void that their partners have left. This can be emotionally damaging to both parties involved. If you think you have met the right person right after your breakup, you should still give yourself time to heal before getting romantically involved again. On the other hand, you may not be the one seeking a partner after a breakup. If you meet someone compatible and learn that they have recently ended a relationship, you should keep your distance until they approach you when they’re ready. Being involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable or still healing will build a relationship on a fragile foundation. 

Cyber Stalking 

Sometimes, you have no intention to communicate with your ex, but you still want to check how they’re doing. You may be hoping that they’re heartbroken over the breakup, or you may be looking for answers that would confirm any suspicions that you had before you broke up. Whatever your reason is to stalk your ex on social media, it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism. If it’s the closure that you’re looking for, you need to stop seeking it from your ex, and you should never ask for it. Whatever suspicions that you had before you broke up with your partner should no longer matter unless you’re planning to get back with them. But if you’re only seeking assurance, then you need to stop yourself from looking at their social media pages. If you find it hard not to think about them, a good distraction is being social. Call up your old friends and catch up, or find a hobby that can keep you focused on making progress. 

It’s natural for you to feel the urge to communicate with your ex, whether it has been a few months, or years, after your breakup. People can sometimes take time to process their emotions, which you should never suppress. However, you should avoid letting your feelings direct your actions. If you ever feel the need to communicate with a former partner who has previously emotionally abused you, reach out to a friend and keep your distance from your ex.