Finding the perfect balance work life balance. Does it really exist?

As a working mother of two, I’ve been searching for the perfect work-family balance for the past 9 years! I’ve finally found a balance that I’m comfortable with – well, at least for the moment.

So how do we as mothers find the right balance?  The road to finding the answer isn’t easy. Each of us has our own unique obstacles to overcome on the road to a balanced life and those obstacles may differ from day to day.

There is however one common obstacle that most of us will struggle with, and that is the inevitable judgement that comes with choosing to be a working parent or not.  Like all decisions we make concerning our children, we know that we will be judged from all angles by our friends, families and co-workers.  This is particularly hard to deal with as a first time parent; leaving you feeling like you will never be able to find that perfect balance.

Being able to remove all of these external judgements from the work-family equation generally speeds up the process to finding a solution.  Mind you, this is easier said than done for most of us.

For me, I had always assumed I would return to work full time (or very close to full time) after maternity leave.  The bit I didn’t count on was how I would feel once I was a mother.  When it was crunch time and I was trying to figure out my return to work plan, I struggled to clearly prioritise my values.  In a nutshell, I suffered from super mum syndrome;   I thought I could honestly ‘have it all’ with no negative impact on those I loved! What I failed to recognise in the early days was that my ideal work-family balance would continue to change over time.

I certainly had a good crack at ‘having it all’.  I did OK for a while until my poor husband started to bear the brunt of my exhaustion and frustration.  Nothing in my world was living up to my expectations. The house was a mess, I wasn’t happy with work and I always felt like the time with my daughter was rushed.  My husband and I still refer to this as the ‘psycho mummy phase’!    From talking to many other mums, most of us have gone through a ‘psycho mummy phase’ at some stage. From my experience, the road to recovery involves finding clarity around your priorities.  Figuring out what you’re prepared to compromise on and what you’re not can take you out of the side car and put you back in the driver’s seat.

I didn’t realise the significance of this until I returned to work after my second child.   Up until this point I had lost sight of what was truly important to me as I struggled to ‘have it all’.  Although I knew my children were my first priority, I kept finding myself in situations that compromised my family leaving me frustrated and angry – not a good mix!  Eventually I had an open conversation with my boss about my values and priorities.  This was a turning point that allowed me to establish clear boundaries ultimately leading to my sanity and no doubt hers to a small degree too.  I knew that this conversation had the potential to be a career ender but it turned out to be a conversation that reignited my career and happiness. It seems obvious that I should have been clear on my values and priorities from the beginning but I struggled to understand exactly what they were now that I was a mother.  I take my hat off to those of you who have these sorted early.

Of late I’ve been watching many of my friends return to work and each one of us has our own unique situation. Our finances, relationships, support networks, chosen career and of course our children are all different.  The solution to finding the right balance is as unique for each of us as our own fingerprints.  For me, finding the balance has been an evolution and I realise that what works for me and my family today, won’t necessarily be the right answer for us in 5 years – it’s a work in progress.  Before heading out to conquer the road to a balanced life, take the time to look at your inner map – it will make the journey a little easier. Sometimes we all need a little help to orientate our map. This is where a quality coach can be of help. I wish I’d have known a good coach when I was returning to work!  My journey would certainly have been more direct and a lot less painful for those I love.

Written by Helen Sullivan Life/Career Coach and Mother of 2