Help Build your Child’s Self-Esteem

Children develop self-esteem when:

• They feel like they have a place in the world where they belong
• They are part of a family where they matter.
• They are encouraged to do things and succeed.

Children with high self-esteem believe in themselves and have a good sense of importance and self- respect. It helps children to feel they can develop their own skills and contribute to their community. Self- esteem affects how your child will approach new tasks or challenges and also how they interact with others. Children with high self-esteem also feel a sense of trust, security and feel accepted by others. They usually understand their own self-worth, have good self-control and are willing to take on challenges or new or difficult tasks.

Children with low self-esteem may avoid challenging activities or may give up quickly when things aren’t going their way. They may not feel confident about doing things for themselves or using their talents and abilities in the best way. They may also be bossy, may be bullies, have a low level of self-control, and have difficulty making friends.

In the long term low self-esteem may also be linked to stress, coronary heart disease and also some anti-social behaviours.

There are lots of ways you can help to promote your child’s self-esteem:

• Tell your children you love them just as they are.
• Spend lots of time with your child and show them that you love spending that time with them, especially in activities that they enjoy or are good at. Encourage and praise them as often as you can to give them confidence that they are good at this particular activity.
• Allow your child to make some of their own decisions so they can learn responsibility and can feel you trust them (and please don’t correct them or ridicule them if they muck something up)
• Show your children respect by talking to them in a way that you would like to be spoken to.
• Listen to your child in a way that shows you take them and their ideas seriously.
• Help your child to explore any hobbies they are interested in.
• Praise your child at every opportunity and pay positive attention to them and teach them how to accept praise for their accomplishments. You may need to keep reinforcing this (genuine) praise over and over as kids with low self-esteems don’t always believe or accept praise and compliments even when they are given.
• Celebrate all of your child’s achievements and successes.
• Show your child that you have faith in them. Don’t rush in to always rescue your child from frustrating experiences. Instead work with the child to help them learn problem solving skills and allow them to solve the problem for themself.
• Read positive affirmations and help your child to set small and achievable goals.
• Work with your child on self-esteem building activities. My book ‘The Best Me I Can Be’ was designed especially for this purpose. It encourages children to feel good about themselves and allows parents and teachers to work with children to help build their self-confidence and esteem. There are some great activities in the book for children to do.
• Work with the child in affirming the qualities they want to improve, like making friends, doing well at school, sports and so on.
• Help program their sub conscious belief system to affirm that they do believe in themselves and are worthy and capable. Our Life Design subliminal CD’s are designed for this purpose. We have a compact disc specifically for children called ‘Young minds, Healthy Self-image’. You can learn more about these in my other books and at our website www.theparentingstrategist.com.au
• Believe in your child and tell them so. Continue to show your child that you trust them, love them and respect them as often as you can. Show this in both words and actions.

Remember

• Children are not born with self-esteem.
• Young children learn self-esteem through what they can do and what their parents and others think of them.
• ‘Put down’ messages can damage self-esteem.
• Giving time, hugs and smiles are very important to building self-esteem.
• Laugh with your children- not at them.
• Keep giving sincere messages that will build self-esteem in children, and teenagers, even though the teenagers say they don’t always believe you. These messages DO matter.
• Self-esteem is learned and can be changed. (If left until later adult years it can often take much consistent effort to do so)
• Take care of your own self- esteem

Parenting tip 15 from “If You Want Kids to Co-operate…Just Ask!’   HELP BUILD YOUR CHILD’S SELF-ESTEEM.