Saying Goodbye; when Grandparents leave us.
My Grandmother passed away on the 6th August 2018, the very same day, 73 years after an atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, leaving me feeling like the bomb had hit me. I wanted to write about her, to say goodbye, to remember the good and as a tribute.
Grandparents can have such a positive impact in our lives, that when they leave us, we suffer a great loss.
Writing this story has been cathartic for me. I encourage you to write if you are suffering a loss or going through a tough time, as putting pen to paper can help clear your mind.
Here is my story about my Grandmother, a lovely lady who had huge impact on my life and so many others.
My Gaga
In her insistence that she was not special, just an ordinary person, lies one of her most extraordinary, beautiful and rare qualities. Because when Gaga said these things, she really meant it, and not for a split second did she spend any time nor did she have any need to be different, superior, special. She was much too busy pointing out how special you were, and making you feel like that.
She was genuinely humble, and I think that in her lack of needing to be different, better, special, lay her remarkable ability to love life and find delight in the smallest, most simple things life has to offer; like feeding ducks at the lake, swimming in the sea or connecting with the gorilla at the local zoo.
Her natural humility meant that Gaga didn’t take herself too seriously, and because of this she spent a great deal of time laughing, especially at herself. What Gaga did take seriously, though, was keeping your trust, keeping a promise, and living up to wonderful values and principles.
She somehow managed to turn things we take for granted into special, big things. In doing this, she imparted feelings of unity, being part of something greater than myself an excitement and joyfulness that shaped my love of life.
If you were loved by Gaga, you were really loved. It was unconditional, unselfish, protective. Her love was forgiving, enduring and forever. You felt it. You knew it, you were never unsure of it. Yet is wasn’t just family that she loved, Gaga loved everyone.
I am not an expert on religion, however, every religion seems to have a common belief or teaching about the importance of loving your fellow man. My Gaga had this. It came naturally to her. She loved her fellow man, used her time to be of service to others in a million different ways. She always made the effort, took time out to help others, demonstrating her beautiful, special character traits like selflessness, compassion, empathy, generosity and love to everyone around her. The only person I know Gaga had a big problem with was Prince Albert of Monaco. She didn’t like him.
Bitterness, resentment, anger, hatred – these were strangers to my Grandmother. I’ve found that Life’s pain, injustices and heartaches often come knocking bearing these “gifts”. And Life certainly did not spare my Grandmother her fair share, and then some; of pain, injustices and heartache. But, Gaga didn’t allow Life’s blows to change her. If anything, I think her faith became stronger and so did she.
She dealt with her pain by helping and concentrating on others, taking it out on herself to do good for everyone around her.
My Grandmother was remarkably strong, brave and courageous. I think we all fear something or some things. The thought of one of my son’s dying in my lifetime; is a big one for me. When I pray, I tell God that should that ever happen, I wouldn’t recover, that I’m just not strong enough for that. I fear my children emigrating, seeing them once a year, even though I know it would be the better option for them and a real possibility. I fear being helpless if my sons were ever suffering and in pain. These are just my own, personal fears. The biggest ones that would change my world forever.
My Grandmother experienced all of these, and many more in her lifetime. She was courageous and accepted and dealt with heartache in her own, special way, always serene and dignified. She stayed true to her beautiful self, somehow adapted and didn’t let fear do its dirty work. She replaced it with faith. And she channeled her pain and loss into helping others, being kinder, more compassionate and loving.
Gaga did not discipline or teach with anger, criticism and harsh words. She taught us with love and example. She set such an example for us to try follow. And she did this every day. Not on good days, not only in good times. She lived the most consistent, exemplary, beautiful life All the time. She was kind, loving and embracing all of the time. The only time in my entire life that Gaga scolded me and was really cross was when my sister, cousins and I were using passing cars for target practice. Our stone went through the neighbour’s boyfriend’s car window and landed on the seat beside him. That was the only time.
Gaga’s love of life and her ability to experience joy and delight from things so many of us take for granted was also possible because she remained, forever, Young At Heart. With each child born, then grandchild, and later, great grandchild, she would play games, talk to them, listen to them, sing to them, dance with them, laugh with them and give them life’s most precious possession – her time. As a Grandmother to many, she would still hop on the back of a motorbike, or climb into the back of a pick-up, to go for a ride and feel the wind blow through her hair. She was always up for a game of Putt Putt, practicing golf swings in the park and dancing and singing along to Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” playing in the background.
My Grandmother was the Matriarch of our family – the glue that bound us. She was fiercely independent and always available to us. There was never a bad time, she was never too busy and she was present in every single moment spent with her.
On speaking of his Mother, my Father would say “They don’t make them like that anymore.” There is not much in life that is irreplaceable, but my Grandmother is. She wanted an untitled poem read at her funeral, which I have named “Miss Me but Let Me Go.” I have to grant my Grandmother, who was so much more to me, this wish. I have to let Her go. But, she is always with me, wherever I go and always will be. She is in every birdbath, every blossoming Yesterday Today and Tomorrow, she is in every ocean, in every smile and every random act of kindness. She will live forever because I try to instill her teachings in my sons, and will do the same when I have grandchildren of my own. And she will always be the reason that I try to be a better person each morning I wake.
The poem she wanted read at her funeral ended like this “When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends you know, and bury your sorrows in doing good deeds. Miss me but let me go…” That is my Grandmother. The final words she wanted read at the end of her earthly experience were guiding us to channel our pain and heartache into helping others and doing good deeds.”
Right until the very very end, Gaga, beautiful in every way, was thinking of others.
That is the story of my grandmother and while you may not have known her; I hope her story inspires you.
Writing about this helped me dealt with the grief. I would love to hear your story, because everyone’s story is important and hopefully sharing yours will help you.
Written by C Owen.
