Smaller Families Make for the New Norm

I was just having a conversation with my co-workers about how couples are electing to have smaller families these days. It’s not new news by any stretch, but it is interesting to think about during the height of our parenting years. My co-workers are three men, two of whom are married with two children each, and the third man is not married, or in a relationship, and does not have any children. The views about socialism, economics, child rearing, and family make-up vary greatly amongst the group given everyone’s own experiences and perspectives.

The topic of the conversation this morning was actually about how lower income families can’t afford to raise their children in today’s economy. We all want well cultured families, and while there are so many amazing things to do in Los Angeles, it can be tough for a multi child family to get out and do them.  And the thing we all agreed upon is that most of us are barely surviving. Even my co-worker who does not have children to raise, and has a “disposable income,” so to speak, finds it difficult to make ends meet and confessed that he never really felt comfortable in his income earnings enough to be able to relax and enjoy life. He always feels like he needs to chase the next paycheque.

He said he didn’t know how we were raising families, or how people with lower incomes than we were raising their families.

And the conversation turned to the conscious choice that some of us have made to not have more than one child, or not to have any children, as it were. One of my co-workers said that he only had two children because his wife became pregnant with twins. I have only one child because when I realized how expensive children were, my husband and I decided that we would rather give one child the best possible life we could afford. When I tell that to people, they think I am being harsh, but the truth is harsh sometimes. I don’t regret not having any more children. I am thankful that I can give my child a good life, but people don’t want to hear that.

I have a family member who is determined to get her education before she even thinks about settling down and/or having children. She knows that once she becomes a mum, her life isn’t her own anymore, and while she is open to that later in life, right now she wants to ensure her own future success by getting her education. Again, people find that hard to hear, because the social norm is to have children. But more and more people are moving toward living their own lives without the guilt of not having children, or not having a litter of children.

The previous generation was raised with twelve little hands digging into the soup pot at supper, but this generation doesn’t want to, or can’t afford to live like that. Not that our parents could live like that either, but the realization of choice is much more apparent these days. And many people in their 20s,30s and even 40s, are realizing that they don’t have to fill a house with children to feel love and acceptance. One child, or two, will do just fine.

Post from J Brenner